On Laguna and Wiklund’s We Are Monsters (2015)

by Kayann Mitchell

I really vacillated on whether to review this movie, which is such a woman-hating piece of garbage I feared even talking about it in the pejorative would make people want to see it. Which let me warn you here. Don’t! Do not watch this hateful piece or garbage. This isn’t a so bad it’s good situation. This is a so bad you worry for human kind thing. But let me stop rambling and get to it.

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When we first meet Emma (Hanna Oldenberg) she’s preparing for a trip to Los Angeles on a business trip. I would tell you more, but I seriously can’t recall, and it doesn’t matter truly because it’s an excuse to get her in the clutches of Shirley (Niki Nordenskjöld), Pete (Torbjörn Andersson), and Jim (Ralph Beck). The trio love to kidnap, torture and rape women in their secluded cabin in the woods and, unfortunately for Emma and us, after taking a seemingly innocent cab ride with Shirley, she’s brought to the cabin to be the next in what seems like a long list of victims.

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And that ladies and is it in terms of plot. The rest of this shit-show is dedicated to debasing, humiliating, and offending Emma and us the viewers. This movie is ponderous, making me wonder why the obviously Scandinavian actors feign the worst American accents for no reason at all. What happened in someone’s life that they felt the need to write this, and who in the Sam-hell gave any money at all to make this? It’s an exercise in endurance and tolerance to sit through this offal.

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I warned y’all so if you still insist on putting yourselves through this shit-show be forewarned that the use of the N-word and other negative terms for gays are used throughout. Also, have the brain-bleach or a bottle of vodka handy to scrub your brains and souls when you’re finished!

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