On Paul Gerstenberger’s The Rezort (2015)

by Kayann Mitchell

I don’t think I can be bothered with preamble where The Rezort is concerned. Given that the movie doesn’t try to either. So let us just shamble on shall we? Anyway on with it.

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The Rezort starts with various news clips detailing a previous zombie outbreak which decimated 2 billion of the world’s population. Leading to a report of The Rezort: a big game hunting facility for those humans who still have a yen for killing “zee’s”. After the news we are introduced to Melanie (Jessica De Gouw) a human suffering a major trauma after witnessing her father being bitten and turned. Thinking that a trip to The Rezort will assuage the pain of her loss, Melanie and boyfriend Lewis (Martin McCann) make the long journey out to the secluded island to begin her healing. But once there things quickly go awry with the zee’s somehow breaking free of their chains and captivity. Leaving every visitor in grave danger.

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Honestly, that’s pretty much the entire plot. Save a few “surprises” I’ve left for you, my sweet intrepid viewer to suss out. Which if you have half a pickled brain cell you’ll figure out long before the carnage begins. And the bloodshed begins fairly quickly once the guests arrive on The Rezort. Giving us absolutely zero time to get acquainted with the cast of stock characters let alone giving us a moment to even begin to care what happens to them. It’s not that the characters are unlikable which at least would give you someone to root for, it’s that they are so hastily thrown at you then summarily dispatched that you barely get the chance to figure out their names and in the end just leaving you rather indifferent to it all. I cared barely a jolt who lived or died or what other sinister goings on were taking place. I simply didn’t care. The filmmakers worked hard to make you not care and in that they do a bang up job. So sadly I cant recommend The Rezort at all. Take the time you’d waste watching this and maybe have a nap or play with a kitten. Anything but this film.

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